An entry from Bach III

I wrote this today at a park in San Diego vaguely similar to a park near here I once visited on Easter Break. I am, however, in much better spirits than I was then. Anyway, without further preamble, I'll let Bach speak for himself.

*This message has been altered from it's original handwritten version to suit the audience and the forum*

2: I am not at home.
3: I have a home.
4: My family, in Dresden's sense of the word, tarries but a short while, and then scatters to the winds.
5: I ship out in March.
Query: What duty do I owe my biological family?
6: When I act, it will not be out of desperation. I'm not running. I chose, and don't regret this life I chose for me.
7: Even though it almost destroyed me, I was never happier than I was at home.
8: I could help.
9: I'm 19 damn years old, and able to make my own calls.
10: They are worth it.
11: I'm not my own.
12: I gave my parents' 9 months they wouldn't have had
13: I would spend my last civilian months in peace
14: I know where peace is

In short, I am lonely, and fire-forged friends reside here. This is a limited time offer, as they are graduating and getting married, and in six months I belong to the Navy. My biological family has no real need of me here. There are people, friends, I could help by moving down. (Would you sacrifice your reputation for your friends? [Dr R. was totally talking about this sort of situation]) The choice is mine, and mine alone, as are the consequences. If Mom and Dad can't accept this, then so be it. They will see it as friends versus family, and self-gratification versus duty. But I would be leaving soon anyway. Should it worry me? It doesn't really, not in the sense it should. 'To thine own self be true.' Follow your heart. 'Maybe there isn't a right choice, C.. It could be that you just have to make a choice and live with it.' 'A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through.' If Dr. Horrible, Shakespeare, and RB all point me this way, can it be wrong?

I stand now on the edge of what I am sure will be the biggest confrontation between my parents and I. But have I not oft thought I could face the world if I had a few faithful friends? I have found those friends. Let us try my metal. To Live. That will be an awefully big adventure. Lets dance, you and I.

Today's been pretty interesting, in case you hadn't noticed. Mostly it's just being pretty tired and not being able to escape at all. Vacations with the family mean spending basically every waking moment together, which is just to much, IMO. I'm ready to head back, where work got me out of the house. But I wont have that for long now, I guess. My scheme, involving several international banks, several barrels of gunpowder, and my favorite ski mask, will get me back home pretty quick like. That is good. What isn't so good is my parents' forecast response, which is cloudy with a huge chance of lightening. Life is a storm, my friend. It's much less than ideal, but I think it's necessary, at least for my "sanity". Maybe I'm just super pessimistic. Who knows. We'll find out. And I'll be home.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

[SaD]Fool

Can't be hatin everybody (Hershey's excluded!)

So, I realized yesterday that my current policy of hating products of crappy deliverymen isn't very realistic. I won't swear off Coke products, even if the guy who delivers them is a moron, and leaves garbage all over the back room. And I can't swear off frozen foodstuffs just because our freezer keeps breaking down, no matter how frustrating. So, as of today, The U.P.C. is introducing a new foreign policy. Not one of universal condemnation, but one of personal responsibility. Love the product, hate the deliveryman.

Watchmen & Bastards

Watchmen (Warning! SPOILERS! Just in case). I have no clue how to classify it, or how to begin to respond to it. It raises a ton of questions for me, not the least of which is who I'm supposed to root for. I mean, how am I supposed to enjoy a book/movie if I don't know who to cheer for (although I was always biased towards Rorschach and the Comedian. Pray for me?) What about Veidt (Ozymandias, the jerk that blows up NYC)? Was he right or wrong? The questions are related. I started rereading it the other day, and think I finally have a total answer (but would LOVE to hear other views on this, as I am rather biased)

Short response: Veidt's a knave, and Shach was ... "right". Loosely. I guess he was right in not caving in to Veidt's plan.

Long response: Veidt, the smartest man in the world, is also the biggest fool. He sacrificed millions for his dream of world peace (Note: I'm assuming that had he not acted, we would have kicked the commie's tails in a long, drawn out nuclear war), a dream that I feel is foolhardy. If you'll forgive me for quoting a robot from the future, Arnold says in T2 "it's in your natures to destroy yourselves. You cannot win." Sorry, I had to. But I think you'll also find a biblical basis for that (see Revelation). So, yeah. I think Veidt just postponed the war, or stopped the one. Regan stopped our cold war without nuking us (punny, huh? U.S.). If Veidt hadn't nuked NYC, I'd say he was the hero. But, as it is, he killed millions, to unite the world against the alien threat. But for how long? "Nothing ever ends." In that case, the Watchmen were cowards, excepting Rorschach, who did the right thing in attempting to give the world the truth.

That's kinda scary, putting that in writing. Rorschach as the hero. Or the most-kind-of-right-acting character. That's what I'm looking for this time through. I'll see if I agree after I finish.

Part 2 of tonight's post! Bastards. They're everywhere. Get used to it. Humph. Work's been a bit of a struggle. Moral dilemmas and all that. Here's one that presented itself to me today. Let us assume that a male, among other... colorful comments... he repeatedly and vulgarly appraises a woman, who, based on the way she dresses, acts, talks, and parties, would not mind said vulgaraties. Is the gentleman who witnesses this a coward for ignoring it? Should he have stopped it? Should he have hit him? Or prehaps thrown him into a conveniently placed cardboard crusher? What is his duty? The "dilemma" before was much simpler. "Do I go to the under-aged drinking party with a group of guys from work that I don't trust or particularly like?" Huzza for family being over to provide a ready excuse.

Anyway, that's that. It's 1:30, and I have to be up for bible at 8:30. So I can actually sleep tonight! Woot! Even with an annoying day at work, the evening was good. Watched Shawshanke Redemption (which made me homesick - last time I watched it in much better company. And the movie wasn't stopped every few minutes to rewind and hear a part again, and there was no commentary on it.) All the relatives are gone, so tomorrow shouldn't be that stressful.

- Why does Rorschach take his "face" off before he dies???
- Should a knight run over a foe who trips before his charge?
- How would you explain to your boss that you ran over his son with a pallet jack?
- When should one compromise?

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." - Chesterton

[SaD] Fool