An entry from Bach III

I wrote this today at a park in San Diego vaguely similar to a park near here I once visited on Easter Break. I am, however, in much better spirits than I was then. Anyway, without further preamble, I'll let Bach speak for himself.

*This message has been altered from it's original handwritten version to suit the audience and the forum*

2: I am not at home.
3: I have a home.
4: My family, in Dresden's sense of the word, tarries but a short while, and then scatters to the winds.
5: I ship out in March.
Query: What duty do I owe my biological family?
6: When I act, it will not be out of desperation. I'm not running. I chose, and don't regret this life I chose for me.
7: Even though it almost destroyed me, I was never happier than I was at home.
8: I could help.
9: I'm 19 damn years old, and able to make my own calls.
10: They are worth it.
11: I'm not my own.
12: I gave my parents' 9 months they wouldn't have had
13: I would spend my last civilian months in peace
14: I know where peace is

In short, I am lonely, and fire-forged friends reside here. This is a limited time offer, as they are graduating and getting married, and in six months I belong to the Navy. My biological family has no real need of me here. There are people, friends, I could help by moving down. (Would you sacrifice your reputation for your friends? [Dr R. was totally talking about this sort of situation]) The choice is mine, and mine alone, as are the consequences. If Mom and Dad can't accept this, then so be it. They will see it as friends versus family, and self-gratification versus duty. But I would be leaving soon anyway. Should it worry me? It doesn't really, not in the sense it should. 'To thine own self be true.' Follow your heart. 'Maybe there isn't a right choice, C.. It could be that you just have to make a choice and live with it.' 'A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through.' If Dr. Horrible, Shakespeare, and RB all point me this way, can it be wrong?

I stand now on the edge of what I am sure will be the biggest confrontation between my parents and I. But have I not oft thought I could face the world if I had a few faithful friends? I have found those friends. Let us try my metal. To Live. That will be an awefully big adventure. Lets dance, you and I.

Today's been pretty interesting, in case you hadn't noticed. Mostly it's just being pretty tired and not being able to escape at all. Vacations with the family mean spending basically every waking moment together, which is just to much, IMO. I'm ready to head back, where work got me out of the house. But I wont have that for long now, I guess. My scheme, involving several international banks, several barrels of gunpowder, and my favorite ski mask, will get me back home pretty quick like. That is good. What isn't so good is my parents' forecast response, which is cloudy with a huge chance of lightening. Life is a storm, my friend. It's much less than ideal, but I think it's necessary, at least for my "sanity". Maybe I'm just super pessimistic. Who knows. We'll find out. And I'll be home.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

[SaD]Fool

Can't be hatin everybody (Hershey's excluded!)

So, I realized yesterday that my current policy of hating products of crappy deliverymen isn't very realistic. I won't swear off Coke products, even if the guy who delivers them is a moron, and leaves garbage all over the back room. And I can't swear off frozen foodstuffs just because our freezer keeps breaking down, no matter how frustrating. So, as of today, The U.P.C. is introducing a new foreign policy. Not one of universal condemnation, but one of personal responsibility. Love the product, hate the deliveryman.

Watchmen & Bastards

Watchmen (Warning! SPOILERS! Just in case). I have no clue how to classify it, or how to begin to respond to it. It raises a ton of questions for me, not the least of which is who I'm supposed to root for. I mean, how am I supposed to enjoy a book/movie if I don't know who to cheer for (although I was always biased towards Rorschach and the Comedian. Pray for me?) What about Veidt (Ozymandias, the jerk that blows up NYC)? Was he right or wrong? The questions are related. I started rereading it the other day, and think I finally have a total answer (but would LOVE to hear other views on this, as I am rather biased)

Short response: Veidt's a knave, and Shach was ... "right". Loosely. I guess he was right in not caving in to Veidt's plan.

Long response: Veidt, the smartest man in the world, is also the biggest fool. He sacrificed millions for his dream of world peace (Note: I'm assuming that had he not acted, we would have kicked the commie's tails in a long, drawn out nuclear war), a dream that I feel is foolhardy. If you'll forgive me for quoting a robot from the future, Arnold says in T2 "it's in your natures to destroy yourselves. You cannot win." Sorry, I had to. But I think you'll also find a biblical basis for that (see Revelation). So, yeah. I think Veidt just postponed the war, or stopped the one. Regan stopped our cold war without nuking us (punny, huh? U.S.). If Veidt hadn't nuked NYC, I'd say he was the hero. But, as it is, he killed millions, to unite the world against the alien threat. But for how long? "Nothing ever ends." In that case, the Watchmen were cowards, excepting Rorschach, who did the right thing in attempting to give the world the truth.

That's kinda scary, putting that in writing. Rorschach as the hero. Or the most-kind-of-right-acting character. That's what I'm looking for this time through. I'll see if I agree after I finish.

Part 2 of tonight's post! Bastards. They're everywhere. Get used to it. Humph. Work's been a bit of a struggle. Moral dilemmas and all that. Here's one that presented itself to me today. Let us assume that a male, among other... colorful comments... he repeatedly and vulgarly appraises a woman, who, based on the way she dresses, acts, talks, and parties, would not mind said vulgaraties. Is the gentleman who witnesses this a coward for ignoring it? Should he have stopped it? Should he have hit him? Or prehaps thrown him into a conveniently placed cardboard crusher? What is his duty? The "dilemma" before was much simpler. "Do I go to the under-aged drinking party with a group of guys from work that I don't trust or particularly like?" Huzza for family being over to provide a ready excuse.

Anyway, that's that. It's 1:30, and I have to be up for bible at 8:30. So I can actually sleep tonight! Woot! Even with an annoying day at work, the evening was good. Watched Shawshanke Redemption (which made me homesick - last time I watched it in much better company. And the movie wasn't stopped every few minutes to rewind and hear a part again, and there was no commentary on it.) All the relatives are gone, so tomorrow shouldn't be that stressful.

- Why does Rorschach take his "face" off before he dies???
- Should a knight run over a foe who trips before his charge?
- How would you explain to your boss that you ran over his son with a pallet jack?
- When should one compromise?

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." - Chesterton

[SaD] Fool

Ramble Alert

To whom it may concern:

Hershey's is going down. Horribly. Sell your stock now. They've crossed the last line. They've attacked me personally. They sent me lies and wasted my time and made me waste company money (my time) fixing their stupid display unit(s) (they sent me parts from three different ones!). I'm going to find a way to infiltrate them and destroy them from within. And I swear I'll never buy or consume one of their products again.

Hershey's, I'm coming for you. Be warned.

In other news, I NEED MONEY!!!! Operation Save My Sanity needs funding badly, and I'm pushing the timetable up, cause sanity is slipping quickly. There's nothing really I can point to that's particularly sanity eroding, but... It is like when you have a camel. And there are many straws on the camel's back. And you put one more on, and the camel breaks in half! Dozens of small misunderstandings and annoyances adding up over the months. Me smash. If only. Anyway, I'm not yet desperate enough that I've turned to a life of crime, although I am contemplating it. I need to find a job down south soon, cause that would totally save my butt.

Orphans of Chaos time. I just finished it an hour or so ago... Wow... I was going to award it the Favorite Book of the Year award, but remembered Changes came out this year (really? It seems like so long ago!). So then I was gonna give it Best Sci/Fi... but Changes again... So I'm giving it the tentative Best of Summer '10 award (maybe the sequels could surpass it?). If you haven't read it, go read it. It's amazing... Like, wow. I'm so happy. I got 75 bucks for opening a military account at US Bank, and blew it all on books. That's a good use of my first "government money", right?

Quote of the day: "Am I really a bastard, or am I just really good at thinking like one?" - Making Money

- Is devious always bad?
- If I destroy Hershey's, am I a bad person?
- Do I have to become more than a man to destroy Hershey's?
- Am I really a bastard, or am I just really good at thinking like one?
- How do I live with myself?
- How do chivalry and mischievousness coexist?

T-t-t-that's all folks!

[SaD] James out

Hobos are the Eighth Deadly Sin

The last four days have been pretty hellish. Saturday and Sunday really took it out of me, due to sleeping poorly, having 5:30AM shifts, and allergies. Monday was the day to top all days, however. If you're easily grossed out, you're probably better off skipping further down. It's fine, I won't be offended. Okay, still here? I hate hobos. Okay, most aren't to bad; in fact, many of the homeless people that come in to to the grocery story are the friendliest, most polite people that come in, like Andy, or David (even though I suspect he's a serial killer, because of how he looks, and acts sometimes). However, I have a particular vendetta against the terrible hobos, exemplified by the crazy bugger who decided that he couldn't wait to walk to the bathroom down the hall, and thus deposited his... fecal matter... in my garbage can. I was told after the event that the bottle return room smelled terrible, and would I please find the source of the stench and remove it? Que sense of overwhelming dread. Finally, after clearing out the room, I found the offending garbage container. And it stunk. Really badly. And it leaked when I pulled the bag, covering the floor in more foul smelling liquid. After containing the leaking bag, I "spilled" some citrus smelling cleaner, rather than our normal unscented stuff, all over the floor, and spent 30 minutes power washing the whole room, and then another 10 putting it all back together. So yeah, after 45 minutes cleaning... crap... I've declared war against whoever did this. If I ever find him, so help me, I will stab him with a broken bottle, and then cram bottle caps down his throat, and bury his body under a load of crushed glass. Only then will I forgive him.

Okay, moving on! For those of those who skipped down, think of something cute and funny... in fact, go visit http://cuteoverload.com/. Feel better? I hope so. In other news, I'm exhausted, and have no business staying up to wrote this, or watching Rurouni Kenshin, or chating with friends. I'll need to nap tomorrow. That's one thing I've learned in college, is that sleep isn't always bad. You sleep when there's nothing else going on, because then you can run on 2 or 3 hours of sleep for months at a time. ;) See, I'm torn between "sleep is for the weak" and "sleep is divine (Caleb and James's views, respectively, if you're interested. Is that another warning sign, that I consider diferent ideas to belong to differnt people that live inside the same body? Crazy?? I was crazy once..)

So yeah, that's been like 90% of what I've done over the last few days. I went to the dentist today... did yard work on Monday, and got to repair and use several chainsaws! :D That was a lot of fun, and I decided that I need to have one at my house, if only for zombie and burgler defense. I'm looking forward to having my own house, mainly because I'll have fun planning how to defend it, and preparing against that possiblity.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna call it a night now, cause I'm getting to the point where I'm erasing more than I actually post. So, g'night ya'll. I appreciate your reading.

Oh! Quotes and Questions!

- How strictly should the law be obied?
- Should it bother me that I've learned that my knife counts as a concealed weapon, raising my felony count from about 5 to about 5000?
- Does a hero have to save someone/something to be a hero, or is it sacrifice that is the key?

"You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push! "

[SaD]Motley Fool out

Beginnings

So, this is at least the third blog I've started in my internet career. Frankly, I'd rather not look back at previous attempts; I tend to be hypercritical of my work. I doubt there'll be much to post before I ship out to basic in March, but we'll see. I know I won't be able to blog in basic, but hope to really start when I get out in... May, I believe. Still, I'll try to be as consistent as I can be.

At the moment, my life consists of lazy mornings, most memorable for their distinct lack of coffee (mostly), doing odd jobs around the house until I leave for work around 2, and then closing the store (a local grocery store.) I'll get online and chat with friends until I get tired and head to bed. Unless a few things work out for me, that's my schedule for the next 9 months, aside from this morning and tomorrow morning, where I was unlawfully and unwillingly dragged from my warm, soft, comfortable bed at 0400 to go to work. I hate when people ask for time off. I should be the only one with that privilege! It wouldn't be half bad, actually, if I was working that shift regularly. It's actually nice to have a day to get stuff done in. But shifting from a 0100 bedtime to a 2200 bedtime isn't easy.

Due to my redonkulous amount of free time, I have lots of opportunities to think, which is a double edged sword, which has led to a lot of examination of my own philosophy. Other popular topics include: heroes; justice; chivalry; gender; revenge; the nature of man; & adventure (or rather my thirst for it).

I guess I'll wrap this up with a few of the questions that have been bothering me for a while, as well as a quote.

- What is a hero?
- Does chivalry recognize self?
- How much weight should epicness hold in my decision making process?
- Is Rorschach Lawful Good or Lawful Evil? Or maybe, What alignment is Rorschach?
- If a man with photographic memory walks into a bookstore and memorizes a book, did he do anything wrong?
- What would G.K. Chesterton do?

"No one doubts an ordinary man can get on with this world; but we demand not strength enough to get on with it, but strength enough to get it on. Can he hate it enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing? Can he look at its colossal good without once feeling acquiescence? Can he look up at its colossal evil without once feeling despair? Can he, in short, be at once not only a pessimist and an optimist, but a fanatical pessimist and a fanatical optimist? Is he enough of a pagan to die for the world, and enough of a Christian to die to it?" G.K.C., Orthodoxy

Anyway, that's it for tonight.
[SaD]Motley Fool out